


Even If It's Just Pretend

by berriofclouhs



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berriofclouhs/pseuds/berriofclouhs
Summary: When Kathryn Janeway lands the lead role in "A Rose Blooms in Texas", she didn’t expect her life to be flipped upside down as she embarks on a whirlwind romance with her tall, dark, and handsome coworker.Oh and by the way, he's taken.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Seven of Nine
Comments: 22
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

_“Come with me,” Dalton whispered. “We could run away.”_

_“Where?” Bonnie O’Hara replied. “Daddy’s men will find us, and oh Dalton, they’ll shoot you, they will!”_

_“So let them shoot,” Dalton said fiercely, gripping onto Bonnie tighter. “But nothing will take me away from you, my dear.”_

_Their lips met in a kiss as the screen fades to black._

“And… cut! That’s a wrap for today folks! Good job!” the director called from behind the camera. As the various cast and crew scattered, she approached the handsome male lead.

“I think we should go over the lines for tomorrow again,” she blurted, always straight to the point. His eyes twinkled and the corner of his lips curled up in a smile.

“Again? I thought we already ran through them?”

“But that was yesterday,” she stated. “We should go over them today because we are shooting this scene first thing in the morning. It would be good to have it fresh in our memory for tomorrow- why are you laughing?”

He shook his head, still chuckling. “Kathryn Janeway, ever the workaholic.” He smiled, dimples showing, as he added, “and a caffeine addict.”

“Hey!” she protested. “You make me sound like some kind of druggie. I just enjoy my dirty beans.” Her lips curved up in a mischievous smile. “Unlike some _uncultured_ people.”

He raised an eyebrow, about to refute that point, when a familiar ringtone sounded. Shooting her an apologetic glance, he dug his phone out and glanced at the screen. Whatever he saw must have pleased him, because he smiled a megawatt smile and swiped the screen.

“Hey, I was just thinking of you.”

As he walked out of the room, she sighed heavily and made her way back to the set, sitting down.

 ** _What to do?_** She wondered.

She had been harboring this – she didn’t even know what to call it – feeling? toward her coworker for a while. He was tall, dark and handsome, with a killer sense of humor. But it wasn’t just about the looks, oh no. _He_ _could act_. He could make even the most boring of characters come to life and become vibrant with personality.

And she loved it.

It had been a while since she had acted with another actor of this caliber, someone who could slip on his character’s personas as easily as one puts on a mask and adopt the persona entirely. From day one, when they met for the first time at the table read, she was in turns electrified and mystified by his character, and it made her that much more excited to work on the same stage.

But of course - there was a catch, Kathryn thought wryly.

He was already involved – with the gorgeous and equally talented actress Annika Hansen.

Every sign pointed to him being off limits – so why did flirting with him feel so exhilarating?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> talking happens, and a bit of flirting too. feelings are brought to the surface and promptly smothered.

“What are you doing later tonight?”

Kathryn didn’t respond at first, having buried her nose in the script as soon as the director called for a break and was currently attempting to visualize the upcoming scene and her lines. After a few moments, her mind caught up and she looked up, sheepish.

“I’m sorry, can you say it again?”

Chakotay smiled at her. “I asked if you were doing anything later tonight.” His smile turned mischievous.

“Now I know.”

Confused, Kathryn frowned, tilting her head slightly. “Pardon?”

He shifted up in his chair, as if smugly drawing himself up. “I know what you’re doing tonight.” Lowering his voice, he concluded. “You have a date.”

Now thoroughly confused, Kathryn shook her head. “I’m not sure what you mean?”

He glanced down at the script in her hands. “Just you, a glass of wine… and that script.”

For a moment, Kathryn stared at him, dumbfounded, then burst out laughing.

“Okay, you got me,” she responded. “That really caught me off guard for a moment!”

“I was hoping it would,” he answered. “You looked so serious studying that script. You know you know your lines forwards and backwards and could recite them in your sleep.”

Kathryn shifted in her seat and took a sip from her mug of coffee. “True,” she conceded. She closed her script and put it down on the table.

“Excuse me, Ms. Janeway?”

Kathryn turned around, noticing a young man wearing a Memphis Redbirds cap standing behind her chair.

 _Garrett_ , she recalled. _Fresh out of UCLA film school. Director’s assistant_.

Smiling politely, she asked, “How can I help you, Garrett?”

Flushing slightly at the fact that she remembered his name, he responded hesitantly, “Director McNeil wants to talk to you after lunch. It’s about the next scene.”

“Thank you,” she said, patting him on the shoulder. He hesitated a moment, as if to make sure she was done talking, then nodded, swallowing nervously. As he turned to walk away, she called, “Garrett?”

He whirled around, spine instinctively straightening, his hands gripping his clipboard slightly harder.

“Yes ma’am?”

Kathryn smiled. “Please call me Kathryn; we will all working closely together for a while and I’d like to get to know everyone.”

The young assistant nodded. “I understand. Have a good day… Kathryn.” Nodding to Chakotay, he turned and left.

Gazing after the fading figure, Kathryn smiled wistfully. _Even after three months, he was still so starstruck_. She remembered being like that, feeling over the moon whenever a well-known actor or actress gave her the time of day.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she looked over at her coworker, who was now leaning back in his chair, eyes glued to the screen as his thumbs rapidly moved. Going off the slight smile on his face, it wasn’t hard to guess who he was talking to.

Suddenly he looked up, and she cursed herself for not looking away sooner.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” he asked, locking his phone and putting it down on the surface of the table.

She shook her head, plastering what she hoped to be a convincing smile. “It’s nothing.” Quickly changing the topic, she nodded to the sleek black device on the table between them.

“Got anything planned tonight? You seem busy.”

He smiled wryly and shook his head. “Not much, just a charity dinner.” He tried to keep his face neutral, Kathryn could tell, but small twitches gave away the slight exasperation and frustration.

“Sounds interesting,” Kathryn replied, keeping her voice and face neutral. “What charity is it for?”

She could tell she had struck gold with this topic, because his face instantly brightened and he straightened imperceptibly.

“It’s for GLSEN,” he began. “It’s an organization working to end discrimination, harassment, and bullying based on sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression. It strives for greater LGBT cultural inclusion and awareness in K-12 schools.” This was something he was truly passionate about, Kathryn thought, and she couldn’t help but be inspired by his enthusiasm as well.

“Sounds fascinating,” she responded, leaning slightly closer to him.

“It is!” he replied, his voice suddenly brimming with energy. “I really love working with them because the stories I hear about overcoming gender bias in schools are so inspiring. It reminds me that I can still make a difference in the world, despite only being an actor.”

Kathryn nodded in agreement, barely focusing on his words, instead focusing entirely on his lips and how luscious they were. _How would they feel if I touched them?_

“…guess I’m lucky because Annika also loves what they do. If she’s okay with the changes, I am too.”

Kathryn blinked herself out of her self-induced stupor, nodding to indicate she agreed, even though she had no idea what he had just said. She felt her skin prickling with the mention of _her_ , even though she knew they were completely irrational thoughts.

“All right, folks, let’s get back to work!” the director yelled, clapping his hands as he sat down on his seat.

Kathryn stood up, and with a resolute shake of her head, wiped all errant thoughts of _him_ from her mind.

 _He’ll never love you_ , her mind prompted, traitorously. _He’s in love with Annika. Why would he give up a talented and gorgeous lady, for plain Jane, average you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Harry" and "Tom" are introduced! I wasn't able to work some of the characters into the story, so instead they will appear as their real life actors.  
> Jeri Ryan actually works with the charity GLSEN, which I thought I was cool.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn's friend is pissed at her, and for a good reason.
> 
> WARNING: contains discussions of excessive drinking and drinking and driving, neither of which is okay. Please do not drink and drive!

“Kat.”

“Katie?”

“Kathryn!”

Kathryn Janeway jerked awake, falling off the plush sofa. Groaning, she blinked, taking in the annoyed face of her best friend - hands on hips, disappointed look, overall doing a very good impression of her mother.

“Ughhh…” she grabbed her head as she sat up. “What time is it?”

“5:30.”

Something clicked in her groggy brain and Kathryn yanked herself up using the cushions and the coffee table, swearing loudly as she ran for the bathroom.

“Shit, shit, SHIT! I’m due for makeup and wardrobe in 30 minutes, and it takes at least 20 to drive there! McNeil’s gonna kill me! SHIT!”

A loud bang ensued, followed by clattering of items falling to the floor.

“OW!”

\---

Kathryn sat in her trailer, a metaphorical dark cloud hanging over her head. It seemed the dark cloud wasn’t so metaphorical, because everyone seemed to be tiptoeing around her today.

Kathryn sighed again and lifted her coffee cup to her nose, breathing in deeply. After the hectic morning she had already had, she was grateful for the silence.

She took a sip of her coffee, breathing in relief as her headache lessened. She picked up her phone from the table, scrolling aimlessly through Instagram, when a certain picture made her stop and double check the handle on the account.

There was no doubt about it.

The account belonged to _Annika Hansen_.

For a moment, Kathryn paused, thumb hovering over the profile picture, internally debating the morality of her decision. Finally, her thumb hit the picture, opening the account.

The first post had exactly what she was looking for – pictures from the charity event. Kathryn looked at the door, then when she was satisfied no one was coming in, thumbed through the pictures. The pictures were standard, mostly pictures of the event and the speakers, occasionally peppered with a picture or two of Annika herself.

 _Well, she certainly had a good time_ , Kathryn thought, glancing at a picture of the laughing actress bedazzled in a shimmery silver dress and accessories, delicately holding a flute of champagne.

A knock at the door shook her out of her thoughts and she quickly closed out of Instagram. Looking up from her phone, she called “Come in.”

The familiar face of her best friend brought a smile to her face and she lifted herself out of the chair, nearly tripping over her own feet.

“Roxy!”

The tan skinned brunette crossed her arms and regarded her with a peeved look.

“Uh uh, don’t you ‘Roxy’ me. You better start explaining, Katie. What in God’s name were you thinking last night, getting drunk on a Monday?! When you have a full week's work ahead?”

Kathryn rubbed her head, feeling her headache coming back. “Roxy… look, I needed to forget, okay? I didn’t want to think and getting drunk was the only way I could not think.”

Roxy made a noise of disbelief and shook her head. “So instead of getting a little tipsy,” she seethed, “You get **_raging_** , **_piss_** **_ass_** **_drunk_** and DRIVE over to my house. To detox. At least you stayed the entire weekend, because God knows where I'd find you otherwise!"

She paused in the middle of her ranting to walk over to the door and shut it with a loud bang that made Kathryn jump and shiver in fear.

“Do you know,” she continued, walking up to Kathryn so she was nose to nose with her, “How fucking worried I was last night when I got your voicemail? DO YOU?” She bellowed, making Kathryn wince and step back.

“I-“

“And for what?!” the hot-headed brunette shouted, throwing up her hands and walking in a circle. “Some silly _crush_ who happens to be taken?” She walked back to Kathryn, taking a deep breath.

“I know you, Katie. It’s not like you to get blind drunk over a _crush_. Why now? Why him?”

Kathryn swallowed, thinking. “You’re right. It’s not like me to go – mad – over men. We both know I’d rather study scripts than have girl talk. But he’s different. I can’t explain how.”

There was a knock and the door opened a crack. A moment later, a familiar face appeared. “Hey Kathryn,” the blond director greeted, nodding to the other person in the room.

“I heard yelling so I stopped by to make sure everything was okay?”

Looking sheepish, Kathryn rubbed her arms. “Everything is fine, Robbie. We were just having a disagreement.”

He smiled knowingly. “Knowing her, I wouldn’t be surprised. Did you know she argued her way out of a B+?”

“Really?” Kathryn asked, surprised. She looked at the brunette. “You never told me that.”

“Second semester of second year,” Roxy responded, begrudgingly. “Multimedia Film Studies. Professor McKenna was an _ass_.”

The director laughed. “No one else had more opinions than Roxann. I bet McKenna passed her with an A just to keep her from retaking the class so he wouldn’t have to deal with her anymore.”

“Not true,” Roxy protested. “I was just that good.”

“Sure, whatever you say,” he laughed. He pulled out his phone and checked it, then shoved it back in his pocket.

“10 more minutes until we start again. Think you can finish your discussion?”

Roxy grabbed her purse. “Actually, I was just heading out.”

Before she closed the door, she shot a sharp look towards Kathryn. “This conversation is not over. I’ll text you later."

She smiled, sugar sweet, at the director.

“See you later, _Duncan_.”

He groaned, shaking his head and closing the door. “I can’t believe you remember - I hate that name.”

Kathryn shook her head, smiling slightly, as she returned to her chair and sat down. She still head a headache, but it seemed to have diminished after the talk. She felt her phone buzz and grabbed it, unlocking it.

The smile slid off her face when she saw the message.

To: xxxxxx0520

From: xxxxxx0987

Subject: Charity Event this Friday

_Hey Katie. I know this is a bit last minute, but I wanted to let you know you’ll be going to a charity event this Friday to promote the group GLSEN. The event is black tie, so dress fancy! I’ve attached the details below._

_See you there!_

_Angie_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm... I was not proud of this chapter. I'll be honest - I can't figure out where the story should go at this point, so I put in a bunch of character development as a filler chapter, and I'm not happy at all with how it turned out. If anyone is willing to beta read my crappy story and are willing to help bounce ideas, please let me know!  
> On the other hand, more character development for "Tom" and "Be'lanna" is introduced! I'm loving the dynamic between these two characters so far.
> 
> -I heard somewhere that Roxann Dawson is actually kinda scary when she's mad and her coworkers tried hard to avoid pissing her off  
> -Duncan is Robbie McNeil's middle name. I found an old movie from the 80's where he was credited as "Duncan McNeil"
> 
> Also, DUN DUN DUNNNN... Kathryn is stuck going to the same charity event! Will negotiations or a catfight ensue? FIND OUT NEXT TIME...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn attends the charity event and meets Annika Hansen. Her thoughts take a dark turn and she resorts to drastic measures.
> 
> \--THIS CHAPTER HAS MENTIONS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE, ANXIETY, AND PURGING PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THESE ARE TRIGGERING!--

Friday rolled around all too quickly for Kathryn’s liking and she found herself in a too-tight black dress and heels, mingling with people she wasn’t familiar with and trying to make small talk with those who approached her. So far she had already talked to various members of GLSEN, the director, and five different board members.

Kathryn took another glass of champagne off the tray of a passing waiter - she was not drunk enough for this event and she needed more before she could be fully social.

Truthfully, this was the last place she wanted to be on a Friday night. Her idea of a good time consisted of the script for the next week, a glass of wine, and a hot bubble bath. So how had she gotten here?

Right. _Angie_.

Her manager had not tolerated any room for negotiation, insisting firmly that she attend the event as she was “too stuffy and narrow minded sometimes and needed to go out and have fun” (her words exactly).

Actors were a social bunch, always flitting here and there, attending this event and that gala, getting their pictures taken as promotions and getting seen out and about in town, but not Kathryn – she preferred to keep to herself most of the time.

_You weren’t always this way. Remember when you loved going to events? Before… him._

Kathryn shook her head to get the unpleasant thoughts out, glancing around the convention center. Drury Lane was beautiful and spacious, easily holding around 6000 guests. In the past it had been used for many purposes – press conferences, concerts, galas, weddings…

Kathryn’s thoughts wandered to five years ago. She had just booked the job of a lifetime – a movie about actress Katharine Hepburn’s life. It was on the set of this movie that she met and fell in love with Mark.

Their romance was passionate and fast, with Mark proposing the last day on set. They had decided on a short engagement and a large wedding. After looking at several wedding venues, they had decided on Drury Lane because it was one of the few venues that would be able to seat all 1500 guests.

At Mark’s request, Kathryn had pulled strings to get her wedding dress, a beautiful Vera Bradley creation with lace and pearls and a long train, done early. It was a fairy tale wedding, and everything had been great, for a while.

Slowly, she noticed small changes – how he would get annoyed when she would go away for extended trips overseas to film a show, or how he would get just a tad too touchy after she got back. She chalked them all up to just getting married – after all, they were still very much in love.

Then things started to get worse.

He would start to grumble when she went out for dinner with coworkers, even though it was too late to cook and most of their favorite take out places were closed. She had apologized to him profusely every time and promised that she would get home earlier.

She couldn’t shake the feeling she got whenever he put his arms around her. It didn’t make her feel safe and wanted, it felt like a cage. She constantly felt like she couldn’t breathe around him, for fear of _breathing wrong_ and having him criticize.

 _Kath, the acting industry is look oriented_ , he had admonished lightly one day, squeezing her waist lightly. The next day, they had signed up for gym membership at an exclusive, private gym, which Mark paid for.

They started to have more and more arguments about small things – like their different taste in furniture.

It all came crashing down one night at a charity event in downtown L.A., when he casually dropped a comment about how _easy_ she was in conversation with the son of a CEO. Kathryn had laughed it off easily, nervously, but later confronted Mark in the car ride home. Things had escalated and the next thing she knew she was waking up in a hospital bed. She would learn of the rest of the events of that night in bits and pieces over the next few days.

_His blood alcohol was .27, he shouldn’t even have been driving…_

_Driver ran red light…_

_Dead on impact…_

**_Thankgodthankgodthankgod…_ **

**_Mark’s dead and all I can feel is relieved. I’m such a horrible person._ **

“Earth to Kathryn.”

Kathryn blinked, pulling her mind to the present. Standing in front of her was Chakotay in all his handsome glory, a glass of champagne in his hand.

“Oh, hello. When did you get here?”

He smiled, dimples on full display. “To the event, or standing in front of you?”

Kathryn blushed. “Was I absent long?”

He smiled and held up his glass. “Not really. Only long enough for me to finish one of these.”

She blushed again and took a sip of her drink, glad for a reason to pull her eyes away from him.

“So,” he began, conversationally. “How did you end up here?”

Kathryn looked up, about to respond, then remembered an earlier conversation. “To this event, or out here?” She teased.

He raised an eyebrow. “Touché.”

She laughed. “Well, the answer to the first is my agent Angie, and the answer to the second is I’m not sure. I guess I just needed some fresh air.” She scanned behind him at the throng of people. “Did you come here with someone?”

He turned around, scanning the crowd as well. “Well, yes, but I appear to have lost her.” He stretched, unbuttoning his jacket, revealing a pale pink button up. Noticing her staring, he smiled.

“You know, I realized I never got to know you, even though we work together every day.”

“What’s there to know?” she replied, heart thumping.

He shrugged. “For example - what’s your favorite color?”

“Blue,” she responded immediately. “What about you?” she asked curiously, realizing she didn’t know much about him either.

“Yellow,” he answered.

“Like sunflowers,” she realized.

“Like corn,” he added. “Something I heard Indiana has a lot of.” He grinned and took another sip of his drink.

 _Damn_ , she thought. _He’s more observant than I thought._

“Oh, there you are!”

Chakotay turned around, revealing Annika Hansen.

“I thought you dipped on me!” she teased him, reaching up for a kiss. Kathryn felt her stomach turn and looked away, suddenly embarrassed and sick to her stomach. She was planning the cleanest method of getaway when a slender, pale hand was extended toward her.

“You must be Kathryn Janeway. Pleased to meet you.”

Kathryn swallowed the lump in her throat, putting on her best polite smile. “The pleasure is all mine,” she answered, shaking the offered hand.

 _How do I get out of here?_ Kathryn wondered, suddenly feeling nauseous.

“Chakotay tells me you are very talented,” Annika was saying.

Kathryn smiled, slightly forced. “I just try to do my job.”

“Modest,” Annika noted, smiling. “Is it true you never had to do a second take?”

“I try,” Kathryn responded. Her palms were sweaty so she discreetly wiped them on her dress, trying to take deep breaths in and out and control the shaking.

“She went to school with Jonathan Frakes,” Chakotay added, grinning. “She had to fill those big shoes somehow.”

Annika’s eyes sparkled. “Two take Frakes?”

Kathryn swallowed nervously, now feeling extremely ill.

_I need to get out here! Now!_

“Excuse me,” she interrupted, pasting a bright smile on her face. Without waiting for their reply, she left the balcony and made a beeline for the restroom.

Dropping to her knees next to the porcelain structure, she dug through her purse for the emergency toothbrush she kept, _just in case_.

“Where is it? Where did it go? I need it!” Kathryn murmured frantically, digging even more furiously in her bag.

Finally, she found the item and, without another second of delay, she shoved it down her throat, feeling her gag reflex kick in. She pushed the toothbrush deeper and quickly pulled it out as bile and half-digested champagne came back up in a torrent, along with the shame and tears.

_How did I become like this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, good news, it seems my muse is back. I am still not sure where to take this story just yet, but we will get there.
> 
> When I started writing this chapter and it started taking a dark turn, I went back to rewrite it but still ended up with something similar - I realized this was meant to be told this way. I felt so many emotions this chapter, helped by the fact that I was listening to Taylor Swift's "Red" album while I was writing. This chapter was mostly inspired by the song "Begin Again", because to me the song spoke of escaping an abusive relationship and finding someone who understands and loves you for who you are. Poor Kathryn has been through a lot... unfortunately it only gets worse before it gets better.
> 
> -Jonathan Frakes directed episodes of Voyager. His nickname as a director was "Two Take Frakes" because he was so efficient.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diving deeper on Kathryn's past, and a surprise invitation.  
> \--trigger warning for abuse, although it's only slightly mentioned.--

“Miss Janeway, look over here!”

_Blinding lights._

“Over here! Over here!”

_Cameras everywhere._

“Kathryn, what are your thoughts on Katharine Hepburn?”

_Red carpets. Elegant gowns. Actors everywhere._

**_This is where I am meant to be._ **

“I think she’s a role model for girls everywhere. Her views were ahead of her time and she got criticized for a lot of things- one of which was the way she was dressed. But I think she was exactly what the acting world needed at the time – someone to forge a path ahead.”

“Do you think your personality is like Katharine Hepburn?”

Kathryn gave the reporter a dazzling but enigmatic smile.

“What do you think?”

“Excuse me, Ms. Janeway, your husband is asking for you.”

Kathryn excused herself and walked along the carpeted path, bustling with reporters, photographers, actors, and people lined up for the premier. She lifted her head and glanced around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her husband in the crowd. Sure enough, she spotted him near the corner of the event, talking to two other actors.

“-so all I had to do was smile, and there she was!” Mark was saying, as she drew nearer. Snaking an arm around her waist, he gave her a chaste peck on the cheek, whispering, “You look beautiful.”

Kathryn couldn’t stop herself from blushing.

“I was just saying,” Mark continued, as if he had never been interrupted, “it was love at first sight. Wasn’t it, dear?”

Kathryn threw him a flirtatious look and leaned closer into him. “Love at first sight? Hardly.” She paused for effect, then continued, “It took beating him at pool three times for him to realize I was no match for him!” She waited for the laughter to die down, then added, “and that, my dear, was when you fell in love with me.”

Mark laughed, but his laughter this time was more forced. Imperceptibly to anyone else, Kathryn felt his grip on her waist tighten and her heart lurched.

“Well, if someone hadn’t kept distracting me,” he emphasized this with a dangerously dark look and imperceptibly tightened his grip on her waist, “I might have won.”

Kathryn wasn’t stupid. She could smell the alcohol on his breath, and judging by how handsy he was, he was more than a little tipsy. If she didn’t extract herself from the situation, this night was not going to go well.

She laughed lightly, as if he had told an especially funny joke. Noting a waiter passing by with a tray of champagne, she excused herself and took one.

“Let’s go.”

Whirling around, Kathryn came face to face with a livid Mark. She felt her heart beat faster and a shudder went through her entire body. Swallowing hard, she summoned up all her courage and looked him in the eye.

“No.”

“WHAT did you just say to me?”

She could see his eye twitching, a sign he was on the brink of a meltdown, but she plowed forward.

“I’m having fun,” she countered. “It’s premier night, and I haven’t gotten a chance to talk with other actors since I took this job.”

It happened so fast, she couldn’t have predicted it. One minute she was standing in front of him, the next she was thrown against a nearby wall with a loud crack, her spine radiating with pain.

“You _will_ go back there, fake a headache or whatever you have to do, and get out of here. You have five minutes.”

He turned and stalked out, swaying slightly. Kathryn watched until she couldn’t see Mark anymore, and only then did she dare to breathe.

Sliding down the wall, she unclenched her hands. It was then that she saw a shard of the champagne flute she had held earlier, embedded in her right palm.

\---

“Excuse me, here are the revisions from Robbie- I mean Director McNeil.”

Kathryn looked up to see the young director’s assistant standing in front of her holding a few sheets of paper. She took them, thanking him. Sinking down in her chair once more, she absently rubbed her right palm as she read.

“Is your hand bothering you?”

Kathryn’s head jerked up for the second time, looking up into the familiar eyes of her co-star. He nodded towards her hand, repeating his previous inquiry.

“Oh no, I was just…distracted,” she replied, blushing.

_Damn that man and his tendency to startle me!_

“Well, that’s good,” he smiled. “You wouldn’t be able to play pool otherwise.”

“Pool?” Kathryn asked, her interest piqued. She turned around to face him completely.

“Apparently, the director has a fully furnished basement with a full sized pool table and an arcade room,” he replied, grinning. “I take it you’re coming tonight?”

Kathryn hesitated for a split second, then thought _what the heck, what do I have to lose?_ She looked up innocently, wide eyed. “I’d love to. But I don’t know how to play?”

“That’s okay,” he replied. “I can teach you.”

Kathryn shivered in anticipation.

“Then I’ll see you tonight?” she asked softly.

He grinned then, dimples once again on full display. “8 pm. I’ll text you the address.”

“8 pm,” she echoed.

After he left, Kathryn got up and grabbed her light cardigan from the back of the door.

Slipping it on, she allowed the first signs of a giddy grin to cross her face. Tucking her cardigan tighter, she couldn’t help the beaming smile that bloomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm sorry this chapter took so long to write, I had IRL obligations and life got in the way. Hopefully you're enjoying the story so far. I'm enjoying seeing this story unfold, especially revealing Kathryn's past and how it has affected her present. Regarding the abuse - I'm trying to only suggest what Mark has done to Kathryn and not get too into detail, in case that is a trigger for anyone or people don't want to read about that. I wouldn't want to disturb anyone with the stuff I'm writing, only portraying them as realistically as possible while not going too into detail (if that makes sense at all). I can't wait to write the next chapter because it won't be heavy and the upcoming chapters will be a little lighter before the real drama starts. See you then!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a party at the director's house. Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

“And that is how you sink a two shot!” The blonde-haired director finished with a flourish, beaming with pride.

Next to Kathryn, Roxann shook her head, taking a sip of her martini. “He won _once_ in a college tournament, and suddenly he’s the pool expert.”

Kathryn laughed. “I have to admit, his technique is… _unique_.”

“But effective,” a voice chimed in behind them.

Both turned around to see the young director’s assistant, looking more relaxed than Kathryn’s ever seen him. He wore a black t-shirt with a picture of a hand and the words “Live Long and Prosper”, slightly ripped dark wash jeans, and sneakers.

“Hello, Garrett,” Kathryn said in surprise. “I didn’t know you would be here too.”

“Are you kidding?” Garrett waved around his drink, nearly sloshing some out. “This is great! It’s fantastic! It’s totally amazing!” He started to say more, but was led away by a brunette woman, who mouthed “sorry” as she maneuvered the wobbly male.

Kathryn looked after them in amazement, shaking her head. “Well, I never thought…”

“…that you’d see him drunk?” Roxann finished, grinning. She took another sip. “Well, they do say alcohol is a social lubricant.”

Kathryn smiled. “He was. I always felt like he wanted to say much more than he was letting on but he wouldn’t let himself cross that barrier.”

“Well, I’m not surprised he reacted that way. He was meeting _the Kathryn Janeway_ for the first time.”

“Oh please,” Kathryn retorted. “I’m not that talented. You want Hollywood royalty? Go talk to Leonardo DiCaprio.”

“Yeah, but you know you have a reputation, right? To him, you _are_ royalty. It’s like a fan meeting his idol for the first time.”

Kathryn shook her head. She was aware of her reputation within the acting circle. There were constant whispers of how she ate scripts (that’s why she never makes mistakes!) or how she consistently finishes scenes in one take (flattering, but not true).

“So, when are you gonna wipe the table with these amateurs?” Roxann casually asked, out of nowhere.

Kathryn looked sideways at her best friend, a sly smile spreading. “I don’t know how to play, remember?”

Roxann’s smile matched hers. “Right.” She nodded towards someone coming up to them. “Heads up. Here comes opportunity.”

Kathryn opened her mouth to rebuke her but was interrupted by a honey smooth voice.

“Have you gotten a chance to play?”

Kathryn took a moment to silently tell her traitorous heart to stop beating so fast, then smiled. “Not yet.”

He smiled then, beaming with both dimples showing, and _Lord have mercy on my heart_.

“Come on. I’ll show you.”

\---

“Eight ball in the side pocket.”

The cue hit the ball with a resounding _crack_ and the black eight ball rolled cleanly into the designated pocket.

In the corner, Roxann grinned at the flabbergasted look on her companion’s face.

“I think she just wiped the table with him.” She held out a hand. “And I think you owe me money.”

“How-?” was all he could say, still stunned by what he just witnessed.

“Cough it up,” she demanded, grinning even wider.

“Okay, what did I just see?” he demanded, when he had composed himself. “She clearly knew how to play.” His eyes narrowed when he realized the magnitude of the deception.

“She _sharked_ us, and you _knew_.”

“Janeway the pool shark. Who knew?” Roxann smirked.

A loud roar erupted from the crowd converged around a table. From where she stood Roxann could make out the inebriated but determined face of Garrett, facing off against someone else in an arm-wrestling contest, of all things.

“That’s our cue to go,” Kathryn announced, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder.

“Leaving already?” Chakotay was outlined in the light of the doorway, hands in pockets, hair slightly tousled and looking _utterly delicious_.

 _Get a grip_ , Kathryn admonished herself, and smiled at him. “I’m afraid so. I have work tomorrow.” She bit her lip, swallowing back her next remark of _and so do you_.

 _He doesn’t need you to tell him, he has a girlfriend for that._ Kathryn couldn’t help the bitterness that washed over her at the thought, so she banished it from her mind.

“I’m aware,” he smiled again. “I think Robbie is grateful for your leaving as well.”

Kathryn arched an eyebrow. “Really? Why?”

“Well, let’s just say if you didn’t leave, he might end up losing his precious vintage comic collection.”

“How so?” Kathryn asked, confused by the non sequitur.

Chakotay leaned in close, lowering his voice to a whisper. “Well, I can’t say for certain, but I heard rumors that he bet that comic collection on the results of the game tonight.”

“Thinking I couldn’t play?” Kathryn smirked. “He’s a wily one. It would have been a win for sure.”

“If only he knew,” Chakotay grinned. “This lady is a shark.”

“How dare you!” Kathryn exclaimed, faking outrage. “I learn quickly, thank you very much.”

“Oh I don’t think so,” he replied, leaning in a bit closer now. “I think you know _perfectly well_ how to play. I think you’re a pool shark, Janeway.”

_Here is your chance, Kathryn. Take it._

Her heart thumping painfully fast in her chest, Kathryn mustered up all her courage and replied lightly, “So what if I am?”

“Then,” he replied, inching so close she could feel his breath on her face, “I guess I’ll just have to take care of you myself.”

Her eyes fluttered closed as their lips met for a few brief seconds, as though nothing else in the world mattered and time seemed to slow down.

When she opened her eyes again, she found herself looking into brown eyes swimming with the same emotions mirrored on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that for an ending?  
> This is honestly the most fun I have had writing a chapter ever. I seriously had such a great time with this chapter because I really feel like the characters are developing personalities and have more motives behind their actions. I didn't want them to do things without having a reason for doing so. I also feel like I'm finally getting into the groove of writing. I find it's not hard to write when you have templates for their personalities already. For this story the characters are partly based off of the actors/actresses that play them and partly based off of people I know. So for example, Annika will be more Jeri Ryan than Seven in personality, since it doesn't really make sense to give her Seven's personality here.  
> I'm really looking forward to writing the next chapter and seeing what kind of shenanigans the characters get up to next!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to see the flip side! A discussion between Chakotay and Annika brings up forgotten memories of the past. Looks like Kathryn's not the only person who has skeletons in her closet...

“I’m home!”

The door clicked shut and Chakotay stood in the front hall listening for any sound of the other occupant. When he didn’t hear anything, he strolled into the adjoining living room, dropping his keys on the coffee table. An indistinct meowing sound came from the direction of the sofa and a calico cat jumped down and rubbed its head on his jeans.

“Hello to you too,” he chuckled, bending down and stroking its head. “Have you eaten dinner yet, Jingle?”

A soft meow was his reply, and the cat padded around the corner, where the water and food dish was located.

“I didn’t think you’d be home this early.”

Chakotay straightened up to see Annika standing in the doorway. She was dressed in pajamas, her blonde hair falling down her back, with a face mask on.

“I didn’t want to stay out too late,” he shrugged. “I have work tomorrow.” He smiled, dimples showing. “And besides, I didn’t want you to be lonely.”

“You can drop the charade,” Annika snapped. “We’re not being filmed. You can stop it with the lovey dovey act.”

His smile faded just as quickly as it had begun, and a hint of an embarrassed smile crossed his lips. “Sorry. I’m just so used to it.” He glanced down, rubbing his neck. “I made you uncomfortable, and I apologize.”

Her anger faded just as quickly, and she crossed the room to stand in front of him. Lifting his chin with a finger, blue eyes met brown and she tried to convey all her sincerity into her look.

“No, I’m sorry,” she said softly. “It’s been hard for me since – since what happened with John, and I’m trying, but I’m still messed up.” She sighed morosely. “I just wish I could forget.”

“Hey,” Chakotay shushed, bringing her into a hug. “It’s gonna be okay. Everything will work out in the end.”

“I hope so,” came Annika’s muffled voice. “Anyway, tell me about your night. How was the party?”

“It was good,” Chakotay shrugged as they took a seat together on the sofa. “Not much to talk about. McNeil has a deceptively big basement. The guy’s got a full-sized pool table _and_ vintage arcade games. I haven’t played Breakout since I was a teen!” He chuckled and continued, “And I learned a lot as well. Garrett is a talkative drunk, Tim is even more competitive drunk than he is sober, and on top of everything, Janeway is a pool shark!”

“She knows how to play pool?” Annika asked. Chakotay laughed. “That’s what I said. She really got me good. She purposely flubbed shot after shot in the first half, then bam! She suddenly was really good and wiped the table with me.”

“Sounds like she’s done this before,” Annika replied, with a twinkle in her eye. “Wonder how many other poor unsuspecting guys she’s conned?”

“Hey!” Chakotay protested. “Okay, I got swindled this time, but I’m not usually this gullible!”

“No,” Annika responded. “You’re only this gullible for _Janeway_.”

The smile slid off his face. “What do you mean?”

Annika shook her head. “Don’t tell me you don’t see it, Chakotay. She likes you and you like her.”

He held up a hand. “But nothing is going to happen,” he said firmly.

“Right, because you’re _co-workers_ ,” Annika answered.

“Exactly,” Chakotay replied. “And as long as we’re acting together, nothing is going to happen. End of discussion.”

“But something has already happened,” Annika guessed, her eyes scanning his face. “Let me guess – she wanted to leave the party and you went with her. You walked her to the door and kissed her.” She paused for an instant, watching his expression, then a slow smile of recognition lit up her face.

“You did!”

Chakotay sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand. “Dammit, how do you do that?”

She just smiled. “Because you’re too predictable.” She paused and then added, “And because you’re a gentleman when it comes to the women in your life.”

“Look, nothing is going to change, okay? It was a mistake. A momentary lapse in judgement. But it’s not gonna happen again. We’ll go on pretending to be lovers for the media and continue in our careers.”

Annika regarded him, then nodded with a sad smile.

“I get it,” she said finally. “You’re protecting both of us. But who’s protecting you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a shorter chapter, but I felt like it was right to end this here. More discussions of the past, this time featuring Annika! Everyone has a past, some more horrible than others... Annika sounds like she's been through some shit too. She seems to be pretty perceptive of the changing relationship between Chakotay and Kathryn, despite him using the coworker excuse. Look who is hiding behind protocols and parameters now? Also, has the relationship between Chakotay and Annika been a lie all this time?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first story in this fandom, so constructive criticism is very much appreciated!


End file.
